my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
