I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
