I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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