How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
