i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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