I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
