every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
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The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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