do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
