She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
