69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
