tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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