I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
