i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
