Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
