Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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