i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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