jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
