I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
