I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
