who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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