you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
