Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We are all done wearing pants today
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
