There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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