I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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