He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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