Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
