I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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