in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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