if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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