p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
