Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
