She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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