By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
