4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize
