I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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