and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
