i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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