Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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