dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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