this boner is exhausting
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hippo gnu deer
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
