Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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