meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize