maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
