I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
