I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
