she woke up with a sticky ear
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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