in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
