Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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