Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
