I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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