dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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