Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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