note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
