I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
wanna go halves on a baby?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
