does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
