When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
