Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
