sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
