Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
