this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
