Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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