You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
