I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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