I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
