At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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