I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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