Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
