It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
