watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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