considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
