It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
