Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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