dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
