sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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