i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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