Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
