I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
