I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hippo gnu deer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
