Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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