me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
