You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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