I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
