wanna go halves on a baby?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
