Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
