he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
