The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
